edging

Miss Suzanna introduced me to the concept, the pain the pleasure of edging, that there is no doubt.

i had heard the term before, didnt know alot about it and certainly never experienced it, but it's just one of the items She has given me to which i am truly thankful.

On our very first session - before my total devotion and owned route - Miss ended the session by telling me She was going to edge me....i cannot recall the number but i'd guess it was 13 times...;) and it would have almost certainly ended ruined.

Miss is excellent at this, and just as it relies on me begging just at the right time for full effect, it also relies on Miss stopping or inflicting pain at the right time too.......and She excels at this...in fact i think W/we have only got it wrong one to date ...of course it was my fault and ending with several punches to the balls mid orgasm....that was painful i can tell you and it was caught on camera..;) - it has also given me an idea for a more extreme version of it....maybe that for another time..;)

Yes it would be easy for me to beg early and before the edge, but whats the point? i beg when i am at the edge, and it is that pain/pleasure moment. Its genuine and my fate is literally in the hand of my Mistress, to whom i trust totally.

Being repeatedly edged is painful obviously. It drains you, weakens you and commits you to a state of submissiveness rarely experienced. If you are totally restrained then that is another level and privilege again.

In O/our situation Miss controls me and takes control totally away from me. Its Her hand and my cock. i am truly honoured that it is this way round. If i were to edge myself, i would feel more in control, when Miss has my dicklet in Her hand then there is even less doubt who is in control. Even as i am begging and trying to hit the number i am given, it is Mistress's call if She wants to make me fail by ignoring me. That's Her prerogative.

one more sleep....

One more sleep until my frustrated and horny cock is out of its virtual chastity. For how long, and for what use i do not know, but one thing is for sure, Miss Suzanna will want me knelt naked infront of Her when i greet Her tomorrow.

i have no thoughts on what is in store for me tomorrow, i just know it will be pain for me and pleasure for Her, and my cock and balls will suffer their fair amount!

So, its 9 days since my last release.....well two releases actually as there were two on the same day. 1 was a forced and very ruined orgasm at the skill hands of Miss Suzanna the second, a few hours later was another forced orgasm, but this time She insisted i wanked myself in worship of Her stockings. Both times my disgusting mess was feed too me...yuk!

Since then i have been banned from touching. i have behaved, only touching my cock to pee, clean and shave, never so much a thought of touching in arousal.

It has been hard...Monday and today (Thursday) by far the hardest. i described Mondays pains in a previous blog, and today's are very similar, but today i have an almost irresistible urge to find a suitable image of Miss and totally misbehave.......but i will succeed and remain in my virtual chastity, or chastity of trust with no touching until i see my Mistress tomorrow.

The last 9 days have been difficult, but what it has done is ensure i think, dream and fantasise about my Mistress, which of course keeps me horny, submissive and subservient which of course is what She wants. She wants me to have Her always in my mind.....and She absolutely is.

This is also fraught with danger as the male mind is a little stupid not least when it's horny. So i have actively resisted needless random contact with Her, in order that i do not out stay my welcome and end up out of favour again.

So tomorrow is so finally nearly here, i just hope i perform as expected and do my Mistress proud...give Her some fun and laughter, amusement and pleasure at my predicaments and pain.

i may even consider are review of the session.....but of course only if Miss Suzanna Maxwell permits such scripture from me...xx

How the mind works on the ban....

So this is my 5th day of my no touching ban and 6th day since I was allowed relief (ruined of course)......This puts pressure in all sorts of places.

Clearly, the most obvious place for pressure is as a result of the inevitable fluid build up, creating a noticeable swelling and pressure which drives a desire to release. Of course i am not only banned from release, but even a little playtime too.

The second place is in the mind. Any little downtime or gap in thinking about every day stuff is quickly filled with thoughts of my situation, my Mistress, the forthcoming session or indeed all three.

This thinking and fantasing not only adds more pressure to go for relief but also creates a desire to write things down - plans, fantasies, wishes etc. Of course bothering Mistress with unwanted and excessive communications as She goes about Her day is not a good plan. i actively speak when spoken to in this at the moment!! So, this blog format gives me that outlet and an opportunity to note my thinking as each day ticks over.

i have an appointent with Mistress on Friday - i genuinely do not know what is in store for me, as She  plans and delivers the sessions how She sees fit in order for my progression towards ownership. i do know it will be all of painful, fun, sadistic, fair, safe, mind blowing and more, it always is. Will i be allowed to cum or even forced to cum is totally Her decision, as is what happens after if i do get a release.

So as Friday approaches these thoughts and questions will play over and over, mixed with wishful thinking and certain fantasies will simply put me into a vicious circle of frustration and pressure. To which i am determined to succeed and not touch at all...:)

10 day wank ban

Thats right, im currently 3 days into a 10 day wank ban imposed by my Mistress Suzanna Maxwell.

my crime i hear you ask, was to cum on an edging count of 2 and not 13 as i was commanded to during a filming day on Wednesday.

Miss was not happy at my premature failure and issued this ban after beating my cock and balls post orgasm....that hurt.

Her initial sentence was 31 days! but then She realised i would be worshipping Her in session 10 days later so reduced my sentence to 10 days

Mistress has had me in chastity for prolonged periods from January this year, but this is my first ban on touching. i am still to worship Her each morning and each evening but not touch myself....it is hell now and we're only a 3rd in...:(

When one of the other subs who we were filming with realised i could not cum for 10 days he asked how i did this, as 3 days for him - and lets face it most males - is too long.

We fundamentally i have no choice, as Miss has instructed it. She has made me go 13 days before now which i have succeeded in doing, difference was i was at least allowed to touch each evening....this is a total ban.

So, pretty much 72 hours after my last very ruined orgasm, presumably i have another 240 hours to go.......i say presumably because im not even sure if Miss will allow my release when worshipping Her...??
She generally takes delight in painfully and repeatedly edging me before ruining the orgasm in various ways and She has hinted at multiple forced milking sometime soon.

Mistress will decide the fate of my ban and release and i am more than happy with this as i work towards my collar and ownership......this is if i can keep my hands off my cock for another 7 days......